April 30, 2024 was my last day as a dentist.
After 37 years of early mornings, of patients who became friends, of building something from a single rented treatment room into a practice I was genuinely proud of, I walked out the door of Mountain Springs Dental for the last time.
And then LoriAnn and I got in the car and drove to Florida.
No farewell party. No slow wind-down. Just the two of us, the highway, and a whole lot of open road ahead.
I won’t pretend I had it all figured out. I didn’t. And I think that’s exactly why I’m writing this post. Because if you’re retiring alongside someone you love, there are things nobody warns you about. Things that are harder than you expect, and things that are better than you could have imagined.
Here’s what we learned.
The Transition Hits You Both, Just Differently
I thought retirement would feel like relief. And in some ways it did. But what I didn’t expect was how disorienting it would be to lose the structure that had defined me for nearly four decades.
For 37 years, I knew exactly who I was when I walked through that door. Dr. Garner. The dentist. The guy people trusted with their families’ health.
When that title disappeared, I felt it.
LoriAnn felt it too, but differently. She had spent years building her own identity alongside mine, supporting the practice, raising our five kids, running her own business, and quietly becoming one of the most resilient people I know. (If you don’t know LoriAnn’s story: she lost both her parents in a car accident at 18 and became guardian of her two younger sisters. She’s not someone who crumbles.) But even she had to adjust to a new version of our daily life, a new city, and a husband who was suddenly home all the time trying to figure out what came next.
What we learned: Retirement doesn’t happen to one person. It happens to the marriage. Give each other room to process it differently.
Moving Across the Country in the Same Week You Retire Is a Lot
We didn’t just retire. We sold our home in Utah, left the community we’d been part of for decades, and relocated to Pensacola, Florida, all at the same time.
There’s a certain freedom in a clean break. But there’s also a grief that comes with it that nobody really prepares you for. You’re not just leaving a job. You’re leaving the favorite cafe you’ve gone to for years, the neighbors who knew your kids, the ward you worshipped with, the drive you could do in your sleep.
And then you’re somewhere new, where the streets are unfamiliar and the humidity hits you like a wall, and you’re starting over in your 60s.
The financial pressure was real too. A new mortgage at a much higher interest rate. Investments that hadn’t performed the way we’d hoped. The weight of needing to generate real income in a chapter of life where most people assume the hard part is over.
LoriAnn didn’t flinch. She never does. She dove into her own mission with the same energy she’s always had, writing, building, serving. Watching her reminded me that starting over isn’t failure. It’s just the next chapter.
What we learned: Don’t underestimate the emotional cost of a big move. Build in real time to grieve what you left and discover what you’ve found.
Your Spouse Can’t Be Your Only Anchor
Here’s an honest one.
When you retire and relocate simultaneously, your spouse can easily become your entire social world. That’s a lot of weight to put on one person, even one as remarkable as LoriAnn.
We had to be intentional about building separate lives inside our shared one. Her work with women in Croatia. My exploration of new income paths and new purpose. The friendships we’re each cultivating here in Pensacola.
A healthy retirement marriage isn’t two people doing everything together. It’s two people who each have something to bring back to the table at the end of the day.
What we learned: Encourage each other’s independence. Your marriage will be stronger for it, not weaker.
Faith Is the Constant When Everything Else Changes
I won’t speak for everyone, but for us, faith has been the thing that made the uncertainty bearable.
When you’ve built your identity around a title and a profession for nearly 40 years and then that’s gone, you need something deeper to stand on. For LoriAnn and me, that’s our faith. It’s been the compass when the map looked unfamiliar.
Whatever that anchor is for you, whether it’s faith, family, community, or service, hold onto it. You’re going to need it.
What we learned: Don’t leave your spiritual life behind when you leave your career. It matters more in retirement, not less.
Practical Things Worth Knowing Before You Make a Big Move in Retirement
Beyond the personal, here’s what I wish someone had told us on the practical side:
1. Run the real numbers before you go. Not just the cost of the house but the full cost of living in the new place. Property taxes, insurance (especially in Florida), utilities, and yes, the emotional cost of starting fresh.
2. Have an income plan before you need one. We didn’t have everything figured out when we left Utah, and that created stress that could have been avoided. If you’re retiring and relocating, have at least a 12-month financial runway locked in before you go.
3. Build community on purpose. It doesn’t happen automatically when you move somewhere new in your 60s. Join things. Show up to things. Say yes when you’d rather stay home.
4. Talk to your spouse about what you each need. Not once, but regularly. What does a good week look like for you? What does a hard week look like? LoriAnn and I had conversations we probably should have had years earlier, and retirement gave us the space to have them.
5. Give it at least a year. Everything feels harder in the first year. The unfamiliarity, the adjustment, the sense of not quite belonging yet. Give it time. It does get better.
The Road Is Long, But We’re Still on It Together
That drive from Utah to Florida on April 30th. I think about it often.
The practice was behind us. The uncertainty was ahead of us. And LoriAnn was in the passenger seat, same as she’s been for 44 years, through dental school and health challenges and five kids and a practice built from scratch and everything in between.
That’s not nothing. That’s everything.
If you’re heading into retirement with a partner, treat that relationship like the asset it is. Invest in it. Talk about the hard things. Celebrate the small wins. And remind each other, on the days when it’s harder than expected, that you drove a long way together and you’re not done yet.
Ray Garner is a retired dentist of 37 years and the founder of RetireReadyRx. He writes about retirement transitions, financial freedom, and life after the white coat. Subscribe below to get new posts delivered to your inbox.
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